I picked up Yes Please by Amy Poehler while in the airport back in February. I thought a light, funny read would boast well with my 14 hour non-stop flight to South Korea. I’m a huge Poehler fan! Loved her on SNL, Parks & Recreation, and am a fan of her side-project, “Smart Girls.” Poehler is a natural writer. I could hear her own voice as I read her quirky stories, opinions on the general happenstance of life, and the trials and tribulations of working her butt off to get to where she is today. Here are some of my favourite quotes from her book: “I like hard work and I don’t like pretending things are perfect.” “Saying ‘yes’ doesn’t mean I don’t know how to say no and saying ‘please’ doesn’t mean I am waiting for permission.” “Stop whining about getting old. It’s a privilege. A lot of people who are dead wish they were still alive.” Talking about what she has learned from her mother: – Make sure he’s grateful to be with you. – …
Valentine’s Day is approaching and whether you’re a bitter Betty or look forward to receiving edible underwear from your last minute desperate-times-calls-for-desperate-measures Tinder date, the commercial day of love is going to happen, whether you like it or not. It’s been awhile since I’ve written an advice post and thought I’d give my five cents when it comes to love and relationships. First thing you should know, never come to me for dating advice. You’re probably wondering, why the heck am I reading this post then? I don’t know, you chose to be here (I’m thankful for it, love you, please don’t leave me). When it comes to sage advice, I provide insight when it comes to how to sweet talk your way to floor seats at a concert, how to use chopsticks without offending your ancestors, and (my specialty) how to look like you have your life together when you really do not.. but when it comes to “Jessica what should I do if the guy I met on Tinder who I’ve been ‘seeing’ for two months isn’t returning …
Mom: Oh, I can drive right through the parking space since no one is there… *Someone drives in and takes the space* Mom: NO! NO! NO! I WAS GOING TO DRIVE THROUGH! I hope Santa spits in their oatmeal tomorrow.
Louis: It’s just so weird seeing my old office you know? It’s like when you drive by the house you grew up in, there’s another family in there and all you want to do is break in and make yourself soup. You know that feeling? Donna: Well, depends on the soup. Louis: Psh, mushroom barely. Donna: Then no.
I don’t think I’ve laughed this hard in a long, long time.
…when I walk outside to discover it’s cold and raining. Does summer not know it’s July? If I see snow before September rolls around, I’m moving to Death Valley, California (which, upon Googling, is the hottest place on earth and currently 46°C – TAKE ME THERE).
I’ve been watching Superfruit videos ALL DAY! Scott and Mitch (from the acapella group Pentatonix) are actually the funniest people on the planet. Their “101 ways to ditch your friends” was the first video I saw of theirs and it made me laugh out loud (obnoxiously) at 2 a.m. in a quiet house full of sleeping family members. I have to admit, I’ve used each of the excuses they mentioned at least once in my life, but especially these ones: “I’m in Croatia.” “I found land elves in my backyard and I must map their territory.” “I have to recharge my crystals.”
Ann: You know, Olive is a cute name if it’s a girl. Chris: I prefer chickpea. Ann: Because it’s lower in sodium? Chis: Yes, exactly.
I like how in the comments someone put, “reverse this and a week after valentines day, teenagers tell their parents they are pregnant.”
Mom: “Today I’m going to pickle beets, then I’m going to the park to take photos of hummingbirds.”
“And people from my high school are getting engaged, to like, real people. Not like, oh I’m going to marry a Backstreet Boy, but actually progressing in life.”
Scene: Kristin and I enter Starbucks. We are in the middle of talking about how there is a Menchie’s across the street, how they’re overpriced and how (despite having to take out a loan to buy frozen yogurt) we still need to go one time. Both of us approach the counter with two fairly cute male baristas. Me: Hello! Starbucks man #1: Hi! What can I get for you today? Kristin: Can I get a grande pumpkin spice latte? Starbucks man #1: Sure! And you? Me: Same please! * Starbucks man #1 hands Kristin her latte * Me: I love the Fall time. Kristin: I know! I love how it already feels like Fall weather. Me: What’s the largest size you can get at Starbucks? Like, tri-venti? Can I ask for a barrel of pumpkin spice? They’re so good! Kristin: I think venti is the largest. * Starbucks man #2 hands me over two lattes * Me: Huh? Did you get yours already? Kristin: Yeah, I think they made a mistake. Me: Excuse me, who is …