It has been awhile since I’ve given an in-depth life update! Luckily for you, today is my first FULL day off since January, which means I have time to sit down and reflect back on everything.
After finishing school in December and completing two (editorial and beauty) internships, not to mention a part-time job and other side projects – I can finally relax for a bit. The past few months I’ve aged myself by at least seven years.
I don’t feel like I’m 22. I don’t act like I’m 22, which both scares and delights me. It scares me because I want to live my life as a normal young adult where I can act crazy, travel and not have to constantly remind myself that I need to have fun while I’m still wild and free (even Taylor Swift agrees).
This past year alone, I’ve grown-up a lot. I’m not the same person I was a year ago and I’ll be the first to tell you: growing pains are the worst.
There were times I overwhelmed myself with questions such as: “Who am I?” “Where am I going?” “What do I want in my life?” “Who should friends with?” “Where do I want to move?” “Do I have time for a boyfriend?” “Where do I want to work?” “Who can I trust?” “Am I making the right decisions?”
Typical questions every 20-something will ask oneself.
I know A LOT of young adults are going through the same situations I am, which is why I want to open up about my experiences. I know how important it is to be able to relate to someone else and I hope I can help, or at least comfort you to know that you’re not alone.
Being a recent graduate is not easy. It’s a whole new chapter full of unanswered questions. For me, it was constantly questioning “What’s next?” Up until last week, I was working seven days a week and always on the go. My body was drained. I’d come home from work, not eat dinner and go straight to bed. My spirit was broken. I ended toxic friendships (for obvious reasons) and meaningful relationships (because I didn’t want to settle down) and no one but myself was reassuring me I was making the right decisions. I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone, I was constantly stressed because it was the first time in my life I had no solid plan and, as a result, I was emotionally strained. However, all of this had nothing to do with the work I was doing, because the work I did was AMAZING. It was my personal life. It was the questions that were left unanswered, the relationships I had to end and overworking myself that constantly beat at my spirit.
I’ve concluded that this emotional and physical roller coaster is all part of this messed up journey of self-discovery.
Of course I don’t regret anything I’ve been through because I have learned from it, but I do NOT want to re-live it.
*takes a deep breath*
Now, I’m moving on to another chapter in my life.
Is it going to be an emotional roller coaster? Probably. Will I be going through the same physical pain? Most likely. Will I be ready for it? This time, DEFINITELY! I know I’m prepared for the real world. Or, at least I know what to expect and how to properly handle it.
If there is one thing I want you to take from what I’ve learned, is discovering who you are and where you want to go is tough. All you can do is feel your way through it. It takes time. It takes patience. But, once you start to understand and accept who you are and the decisions you make, you’ll move on. You just have to have faith in yourself. I also want you to know that you can’t settle, even though it may be your comfort zone, you can’t settle for anything that does not make you happy. Letting go is hard, but moving on is the healthiest and one of the greatest feelings in the entire world. This may not make sense now, but it will someday, I promise.
Taking a step back I can honestly say I’ve learned my lessons, I’ve forgiven and I’m happily moving on.
I know something really great is going to happen for me in the near future, and I’ll be more than ready to conquer it. What is next for me? I’m not too sure myself, but I know I’m on my way!