Winston: I’m going to go over there and I’m going to tell Daisy, listen, my heart is a two-man bike and I want you in the rear. What do you think? Nick: Winston, don’t say that! You want her in your rear? You can say rear, but not her in your rear. Schmidt: No, don’t say the rear at any time! Winston: You guys are just jealous. Nick: What? Winston: You guys are going to steal my swag. Schmidt: I don’t even know where to begin to steal a swag.
“Jess, you have no chance of winning. It was my junior year of college. I was about 200 pounds heavier: freshmen 15, plus sophomore 50, plus junior 100…” – Schmidt
Winston: Clearly I have the upper hand when it comes to Jackson Jess: Do you? Winston: Oh I do because I know all about sports, Jess, you know nothing about sports. Jess: Ugh, what am I going to do, I guess I’ll just have to use my eyes, hair, boobs, legs and adorable personality. Haha, fool. Winston: I got like, three of those things.
I’m pretty sure I have some solid abs after catching up on New Girl. Funniest show ever. “I’m 30, I’m single and I just started a new job. Tonight I used a bread roll to wipe butter off my face and then ate the bread roll. So I essentially used my face as a butter knife.” – Jess
“Know this, your caveman ideas about manhood are so over. Manhood today is about exfoliation, cheese courses, emotional honesty, and Paxil. And yes, cutting peppers in the classic style de Julienne. You may have bested me in the competition of pre-Clinton manhood but I am Schmidt, a refined and enlightened pescatarian, 90% of the time.” – Schmidt
“If you tell anyone that we held hands I have two people in my phone who will kill you. Literally.”