Life
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A 15-MIN STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS

It is currently 11:15am on Sunday, December 2nd. Billie Eilish is playing on my phone, it’s rainy/snowy outside, and no part of me wants to change out of my sweats today.

You can play the song I’m currently listening to as you read this post if ya like (unless you’re on a phone then you won’t be able to scroll and listen at the same time):

I’m well aware I haven’t written a blog post in a month. I suck. 

For 15 minutes I’m going to write a stream of consciousness because when I am limited on time, I tend to not overthink about what I’m writing. It’s raw, real, blah blah blah. I apologize if this post becomes random, jumping from one subject to the next. Let’s begin.

Changes have happened. I live downtown on my own and I love love love it.

Also, I got a tattoo.

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Since I’ve been back in Canada I’ve used Bumble to get back in the dating game and TBH, I’ve been on some pretty terrible dates. I deleted the app permanently from my phone last night. I have been asked out by four guys on there, all whom I’ve met and either:

  • They went back with their ex (LOL!)
  • There was no spark
  • They were super insecure and took it out on me (no thx)
  • I simply wasn’t attracted to them

Honestly, A+ for effort on my end for not only putting myself out there, but standing my ground when I needed to.

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I’ve been single for five years and it’s difficult to find someone I genuinely want to text, call, and hang out with all of the time.. because that’s how dating works, right? Or something? I don’t know. Do I have to like, feed and walk them too? Sounds stressful.

On the rare occasion I do find someone I can tolerate, I attach myself too quickly and scare them off. It’s a vicious cycle.

ANYWAY, the Holiday season is here. Cue: The voices of Michael Bublé and Mariah Carey ringing through our heads for the next month

For three years I haven’t been in Canada for Christmas and I’m happy I’ll be with my family for this one. I have no New Years plans, but to be honest I might stay home and do what I did last year – eat ALL of the junk food, watch a marathon of a movie/show (last year was Harry Potter), and maybe wake up early to watch the sunrise. I think it’ll be a new tradition of mine because going out on New Years Eve is WAY too stressful and so much $$$. I’d rather be on my own where I’m happy, safe, and don’t feel pressured to wear a tight dress that I’ll probably be pulling down and constantly adjusting.

I have five more minutes, umm. I have been cooking A LOT lately. Been nailing a shrimp curry recipe, made some maaaad tasty Korean spicy chicken, and last night I put brussel sprouts, sausage, and sweet potato in aluminum foil and put it all into the oven for 45 minutes, served it with rice. Delicious.

Yesterday I went to the Really Really Free Market and picked up a couple books. I’ve never read The Boy In The Striped Pajamas by John Boyne so I took it home. I plan to light a candle, cuddle into a cozy blanket, read it cover to cover, and then watch the movie. A solid Sunday.

I’m working on expanding Get Up & Go Girl, but it’s been taking longer than expected. It’s in the works so, stay tuned.

For the most part, as you can tell from this post, I like being alone. It’s what I’m used to. I haven’t made a vlog in awhile and feel bad about it, but as all regular 20-somethings I’ve been through break downs, bad dates, and bad days and sometimes I don’t want to put a camera in front of my face and be ON when I don’t want to be.

But, I’ll be back soon.

This is where I’m at in life. I’m happy, truly I am. I have a lot going on for me, a lot more to happen in the near future, and I’m thankful for all three of you who have read this far. 🙂

Okay I’m done, it’s 11:30am.

Love you,
Jessica

2 Comments

  1. Issa Khasim says

    Greetings

    Hello Jessica,

    Being your great follower and admirer at the same time, couldn’t remain silent at the face of this loneliness moments.

    I always read your and watch your vlogs, the passion you put into it is what amazes me and captures my heart more. To some good extend, we share so much in common, from traveling to watching sunsets and sunrises to taking pictures and volunteering. However, I keep almost all the memories and experiences to myself.

    Sorry for the previous dates gone bad, that’s life, and we can’t always have a clear picture of what’s good or bad without comparison. Those guys are a good yardsticks to know the quality of what you want in life. Principles stood out and being choosy is a virtue, just rock and roll my Jessy, maybe untill one day we meet and share our moments, if only nature allows our paths to cross in the future. ☺

    Sorry for the length of my mail, I had no time to write a short one. Stay positive.

    Warm regards,

    Khasim

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